Cooler Column- Apu

The Caucus Cooler is happy to have a columnist reporting on a recent campaign stop by Joe Biden here in Iowa. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Phd is the proprietor of the KWIK-E-MART. While, he’s been losing some market share to Kum and Go, the KWIK-E-MART continues to thrive. His report from the Biden event is below.


I come to do a guest blog on Caucus Cooler. I said no to Krusty because he has not been buying his pornographic magazines at the QWIK-E-MART recently. This blog is about a visit I had this week from a Senator from Delaware named Joe Biden. He said he was running for President. I was interested to find out that in Delaware you cannot go into a Dunkin Donuts, QWIK-E-MART or 7-11 without meeting an Indian. There seem to be a lot of people from my country in Delaware. Interesting. Mr. Biden then flipped through my Playdudes, ate some raw bacon and complimented my people on their entrepreneurship. After offering Vishnu a peanut, Mr. Biden asked why I did not have a dot on my head. He then gave a short speech that was similar to something British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock once told me. After giving me well wishes he departed. “Thank you, come again.” I said. He replied, “I’m in Iowa for 15 days, I’ll probably have time to come back.”

Best Wishes,
Apu

Update: If you don't understand this click here or here.